I took a plane to Miami, just as I shouldn't have. I went to see her, just as I shouldn't have. I told her my conclusion, reached after 24 hours of profound, mind-numbing, grueling reflection, as I should've. I'm staying with Philippa. It's the right thing to do. I am not going to continue with a relationship that is potentially noxious for us both, that will end up destroying us... that will end up destroying me. I have no intention of letting go of who I think I am. I'm too proud for that.
Though without a doubt, it was one of the strangest things I've ever lived. I felt I was alive in two alternate dimensions. The one where I was sure of what I was doing and KNEW I had to break it off. The other, where I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and listen to her complain about her trifling manners. The moment spoke and laid things out for her, I felt separated from my reality... which is puzzling to me. She reacted just as I had expected, throwing me out of the room after making me feel regretful for doing what I did. I found myself smiling after it. Call me arrogant, I feel I can win her back somehow even if she clearly stated that she doesn't do the "let's be friends" deal. Ironic, that's all I'll say.
I am beat though. I am scheduled to leave to London on the next flight out. 7:25 P.M. I hope I can actually make it to the airport and to the flight because I have not slept for almost two days. I normally sleep a lot, early and well. These fews days have been so bloody hectic, I haven't touched my bed. I find this abnormal and rather vexing. There are few people (if not NONE) that I would loose sleep for.
With a few hours to kill before I have to be in the airport and with Caterina not wanting to see me, I suppose there's only one option left for me to do. Aimless walking around boutiques. So much fun.
Though without a doubt, it was one of the strangest things I've ever lived. I felt I was alive in two alternate dimensions. The one where I was sure of what I was doing and KNEW I had to break it off. The other, where I just wanted to hold her and kiss her and listen to her complain about her trifling manners. The moment spoke and laid things out for her, I felt separated from my reality... which is puzzling to me. She reacted just as I had expected, throwing me out of the room after making me feel regretful for doing what I did. I found myself smiling after it. Call me arrogant, I feel I can win her back somehow even if she clearly stated that she doesn't do the "let's be friends" deal. Ironic, that's all I'll say.
I am beat though. I am scheduled to leave to London on the next flight out. 7:25 P.M. I hope I can actually make it to the airport and to the flight because I have not slept for almost two days. I normally sleep a lot, early and well. These fews days have been so bloody hectic, I haven't touched my bed. I find this abnormal and rather vexing. There are few people (if not NONE) that I would loose sleep for.
With a few hours to kill before I have to be in the airport and with Caterina not wanting to see me, I suppose there's only one option left for me to do. Aimless walking around boutiques. So much fun.
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