Seems as if my migranes finally have a semi-reasonable explanation. I am in need of glasses. Yes. It is quite shocking though I'm pretty sure I can pull off the look without any problem. I'll look quite dashing either way.
Trying to avoid thinking about what I am supposed to be thinking isn't working for me. I am loosing my senses, I want to distract myself with noise or do things I've been postponing. For example, arranging my books in alphabetical order, colour-coordinate my closet, tend to my poison garden, along with a few other miscellanous activities.
As that song says, sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. The hardest thing for me right now is being able to think properly. I don't want to think. I am afraid of the conclusions I might reach; conclusions that might shake the very foundation of my being. And caused by something so stupid. A petty fight that basically opened a can of worms.
Now, I am not one with a flair for the dramatic, I actually criticize the behaviour. I don't bother with the theatrical, over-the-top expression of 'feelings'. I do not like overthinking or exaggerating the problem. What I am going through is not a problem. It's... an epiphany of sorts.
I do not know what kind of moral values I have at this point, which is baffling to me. I thought I was this certain way. I thought I wouldn't engage in any sort of involvement whilst I was in a serious relationship... Allow me to rephrase that in a more realistic sense, I wouldn't engage in any liaison that would last more than a few weeks. While it is true that my relationship with Philippa is nothing as it once was, and that by no means is an excuse, I still feel great care and esteem towards her.
Because, let's be honest. We are involved in some way. Even if it doesn't have a name. We are involved. To be honest, I didn't think it would last. She just got out of a very traumatizing relationship, she despised anything that was remotely British, and she had a foul temper. However she was very attractive, fun to tease and... experienced in the bedroom.
I am not someone who likes to divulge sensitive information in a careless manner, so don't be surprised. I do have some dignity left. I do not feel comfortable talking about this. I feel I still need to think, reflect and mull over. My options, my choices, my course of action. Though I am 99.9% sure of what I have to do and what I will do in the end. It's that 00.1% of doubt that concerns me.
I am not a man of whim.
Trying to avoid thinking about what I am supposed to be thinking isn't working for me. I am loosing my senses, I want to distract myself with noise or do things I've been postponing. For example, arranging my books in alphabetical order, colour-coordinate my closet, tend to my poison garden, along with a few other miscellanous activities.
As that song says, sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same. The hardest thing for me right now is being able to think properly. I don't want to think. I am afraid of the conclusions I might reach; conclusions that might shake the very foundation of my being. And caused by something so stupid. A petty fight that basically opened a can of worms.
Now, I am not one with a flair for the dramatic, I actually criticize the behaviour. I don't bother with the theatrical, over-the-top expression of 'feelings'. I do not like overthinking or exaggerating the problem. What I am going through is not a problem. It's... an epiphany of sorts.
I do not know what kind of moral values I have at this point, which is baffling to me. I thought I was this certain way. I thought I wouldn't engage in any sort of involvement whilst I was in a serious relationship... Allow me to rephrase that in a more realistic sense, I wouldn't engage in any liaison that would last more than a few weeks. While it is true that my relationship with Philippa is nothing as it once was, and that by no means is an excuse, I still feel great care and esteem towards her.
Because, let's be honest. We are involved in some way. Even if it doesn't have a name. We are involved. To be honest, I didn't think it would last. She just got out of a very traumatizing relationship, she despised anything that was remotely British, and she had a foul temper. However she was very attractive, fun to tease and... experienced in the bedroom.
I am not someone who likes to divulge sensitive information in a careless manner, so don't be surprised. I do have some dignity left. I do not feel comfortable talking about this. I feel I still need to think, reflect and mull over. My options, my choices, my course of action. Though I am 99.9% sure of what I have to do and what I will do in the end. It's that 00.1% of doubt that concerns me.
I am not a man of whim.
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