Offering me another form of relief

I had a meeting a little while ago though I'm still lingering in the board room for no particular reason. I'm pondering the notion of visiting Caterina tonight or perhaps tomorrow and have lunch with her.

The entire situation is rather peculiar that we never get to spend more than a day together. Considering we both live in two different countries, I suppose it's not that surprising. Even if I've seriously considered leaving London to be closer to her, it wouldn't be for long. I have serious responsabilities to fulfill in England as Earl Percy; responsabilities I cannot rid myself of. My parents are leaving me alone, without any kind of restraint for a single reason: they believe I'm involved in a period of mourning due to my previous relationship. And they are hoping that I'm also making myself busy looking at possible new candidates for the position as my girlfriend.

This isn't surprising to anyone who knows the nobility. It's not as forceful as it was, centuries past, but the pressure is quite overwhelming after my uncle Alan died without an heir. That is how my father got the title in the first place. It takes even more impetus now that I've reached 25 years of age and I dumped my girlfriend of two years. Scandalous even.

My grandfather Hugh, had he been alive would've probably had a seizure if he found out. He has been on my father's back ever since, insisting that I cannot be left to do as I please. And by that he means buying apartments for someone else in a foreign country. How is this possible you say? It's not strange that my grandfather makes dream-like appearances.

Though I am not even close to the pressure that is placed on the Dukedom of Sicily. They taught since the momeny they are born, to find a wife/husband and immediately breed an heir. Giovanni (he has a total of six names including his first name, which I find amusing) has been lucky enough to find Katzereine Cil, though I'm not sure I can say the same about her. I'm kidding. They do make a lovely pair.

Philippa sent me a text message last night, which unfolded into conversation, which then unfurled into a shouting match. One of the things she said to me was that I never loved her, I never truly demonstrated such love if there was for her. She then concluded that I was person that never loved so I wasn't to blame for being so cold, careless and unfeeling. Can I even be a good husband if the time came? Can I become someone monogamous entirely? I sometimes wonder if this all depends on love. It makes me uneasy to think that I never...

I will not let myself believe such a thing.

Bittersweet Argument

I must be thankful for my reflexes and I am. I really I am.

I held Philippa's hand in mid-air as she was getting ready to slap me in the face. I am one of those blokes that is awfully respectful of one's face, it's sacred which means completely off-limits. I gave her a leveling stare, my displeasure quite evident which was all it took for her to recover her wits.

"What is this about a rendez-vous you had in Vienna?" She was rather acid but calmer than what she would've been had she struck me.

"A small birthday get-together in case we're putting labels on things."

"Oh don't be smart with me Christian, I am in no mood!"

"Well, I suggest you relax yourself for I am not about to deal with a hysteric."

"Why wasn't I invited?"

"I wasn't in charge of the guest list," which is the truth mind you.

She took that into consideration it seemed as she continued with her tirade.

"Then why didn't your little friend" insert sufficient venom here "invite me?! She knows I exist, I assume"

"Yes, she knows and why she chose not to tell you is beyond me at this point. And lower your voice, I have a horrid headache."

She threw her purse in my bed, along with her coat then crossed her arms and stared at me. I remained quite comfortable in my chair, rubbing my temple absentmindedly.

"Christian... we've been together for over two--"

"I'm well aware of our time together"

"--good. My point is, why on earth didn't you bother to call me and inform me that this was taking place? And since when is this woman so important in your life--"

"Please Philippa. You're overreacting. She's just a friend."

She looked dumbfounded. "Overreacting? Christian Dominic, this woman threw you a party, didn't invite ME yet invited your close friends that she barely even knows. It's on purpose!"

I remained silent, looking at her.

"And God knows how many times I called you! And you didn't even answer your bloody mobile! You know how embarrassing it is for me to call your parents--"

"You called my parents?" I was surprised, a bit vexed by the notion also.

"T-To see if they knew where to locate you! But I was transferred to their secretary which then transferred me to yours! It's ridiculous the amount of secretaries you people have!"

...

"Why were you avoiding me Christian?" She managed to ask after a while. "I'm inclined to believe this girl is not only a FRIEND you know."

"I was in a business trip Philippa."

"That is not an answer to my question. I don't want you to see her again."

I quirked my eyebrow. "You're jesting, yes?"

"No! I do not want you talking to this senseless cow--"

"She is hardly a cow."

She gasped in outrage.

"So she's attractive too?!"

I did not see that coming and I should've. I was careless.

"I'm not going to stop seeing her Philippa. She is my friend. She just got out of a serious relationship and she's not interested in me in that way. You're just paranoid."

For some reason, after I said that, I felt I was lying not only to her but to myself.

"If you have any respect for this relationship, you will not attempt to see her again. For if you do--"

I laughed in spite of myself. "You are forbidding me to see my friend?"

"It will be a deliberate insult against my dignity and integrity. Not to say what it will do to your own sense of morality and ethics."

I was tempted to answer that I could care less for her dignity and her integrity but I found my silence to be more prudent. I could see she was holding in some tears, the mere act of standing before me and confronting me was taking a toll on her pride. Without anything else to say, she gathered her things and left. I sighed. I do not remember engaging in a longer, more painstaking conversation in all of my life with Philippa. I was rather weary of the direction it took. Yet my mind was elsewhere, with someone else. The core reason of why I was arguing lingered in my mind like an after-taste.

Bittersweet.