Decisions

Caterina Maria and I are making arrangements to live together soon. Yes, it seems fast but to me, it seems reasonable. Having a long distance relationship is horrible. It makes you ache all the time and quite frankly, I don't think my pocket can take more private jets flying to Vienna on a day-to-day basis. Going on dates, spending the night in each other's arms, eating out, eating in, watching a movie... these are all things that I can't have if she lives far from me. So it's not completely unreasonable to want to be near her. She is my girlfriend.

It still feels rather funny to say that. I've never had such a fun, upbeat and completely unpredictable girlfriend. Though I'm a bit apprehensive. I don't want to be under the honeymoon effect for too long because it is unrealistic to find so many wonderful things in one person. But she is very giving, she knows how to cook, she smiles all the time, she has entertaining mood swings, she can dance, she makes me feel incredibly light when I'm with her... and makes me act incredibly unlike me. I am not the type of person who boasts and brags about their girlfriend though I can hardly contain myself. She makes me feel very light.

... :)

Tomorrow life begins to take over us. I go back to my work and the bemusing social functions that do not feel right if my Caterina isn't with me.

Perhaps I do need to calm a bit down as Henry says. Then again, Henry sleeps around like a dog and doesn't care about how feel, he just hates that I complain to him. Such good friends I have. I will now call Caterina.

Girlfriend

Caterina Maria is my fresh, discreet and enchanting new girlfriend. It happened last night, quite unexpected by own decisive action. Though I must say, I'm quite pleased with my choice considering it's been a few months since I broke up with Philippa. I shouldn't feel bad; Philippa looks quite happy with George either way. Caterina is a lovely person and I've grown quite fond of her throughout this whirlwind. I'm currently in Vienna and I'll see her in a matter of minutes, which brings me a wonderful sense of peace... much needed in my life.

Boo-Hoo Crew

Thank you Boo-Hoo crew. You gave the perfect excuse. Thank you, really. Thank you :)

Offering me another form of relief

I had a meeting a little while ago though I'm still lingering in the board room for no particular reason. I'm pondering the notion of visiting Caterina tonight or perhaps tomorrow and have lunch with her.

The entire situation is rather peculiar that we never get to spend more than a day together. Considering we both live in two different countries, I suppose it's not that surprising. Even if I've seriously considered leaving London to be closer to her, it wouldn't be for long. I have serious responsabilities to fulfill in England as Earl Percy; responsabilities I cannot rid myself of. My parents are leaving me alone, without any kind of restraint for a single reason: they believe I'm involved in a period of mourning due to my previous relationship. And they are hoping that I'm also making myself busy looking at possible new candidates for the position as my girlfriend.

This isn't surprising to anyone who knows the nobility. It's not as forceful as it was, centuries past, but the pressure is quite overwhelming after my uncle Alan died without an heir. That is how my father got the title in the first place. It takes even more impetus now that I've reached 25 years of age and I dumped my girlfriend of two years. Scandalous even.

My grandfather Hugh, had he been alive would've probably had a seizure if he found out. He has been on my father's back ever since, insisting that I cannot be left to do as I please. And by that he means buying apartments for someone else in a foreign country. How is this possible you say? It's not strange that my grandfather makes dream-like appearances.

Though I am not even close to the pressure that is placed on the Dukedom of Sicily. They taught since the momeny they are born, to find a wife/husband and immediately breed an heir. Giovanni (he has a total of six names including his first name, which I find amusing) has been lucky enough to find Katzereine Cil, though I'm not sure I can say the same about her. I'm kidding. They do make a lovely pair.

Philippa sent me a text message last night, which unfolded into conversation, which then unfurled into a shouting match. One of the things she said to me was that I never loved her, I never truly demonstrated such love if there was for her. She then concluded that I was person that never loved so I wasn't to blame for being so cold, careless and unfeeling. Can I even be a good husband if the time came? Can I become someone monogamous entirely? I sometimes wonder if this all depends on love. It makes me uneasy to think that I never...

I will not let myself believe such a thing.

The Days After

I feel... lonely. And I have a strong desire to go to her, spend some time and just be around her though knowing her she might get the wrong idea. It's a popular concept that I'm using her exclusively for my benefit, without regards to her feelings.

But I suppose that's normal for anyone who has broken up. And has tried to make things right but made them worse. I lost my chance to amend things, so now I have to deal with the aftermath. It's a disheartening sensation, to loose credibility.

Although, I won't get drunk today. I feel too alive for that.

"It's alright to be discouraged..." My new mantra.